Oh! Canadian?

I set out to write a post about Canadian beer, in honor of the host of the Winter Games. But I had a really difficult time waking my inner beer critic from his nap long enough to take an interest. The problem is that I view the major players–Labatt, Molson, and Moosehead–in much the same way I see most Canadian imports: not objectionable, necessarily, but  kinda lame. (See Adams, Bryan; Schaffer, Paul;  Reeves, Keanu; Dion, Celine; i.am, will).

But if I’ve learned nothing else in this fortnight of Olympic action–aside from the fact that I wouldn’t want to meet the Canadian women’s hockey team in a dark alley, or anywhere else, really–its the importance of good sportsmanship. After all, most athletes will leave Vancouver having failed to win a medal. So in the spirit of the Olympics, and because later today all my good will toward our neighbor to the north will have dissolved into a pool of competitive fury directed at their men’s hockey team in the game that will decide who wins the Olympics (lets face it, that’s what is really at stake), I’ve decided here to do a little searching to find the best of Canada, and to award medals accordingly. -Ben

Most Iconic Canadian Not Named Wayne Gretzky

GOLD: Neil Young

SILVER: William Shatner

BRONZE: Rocket “Rocky” J. Squirrel

Best Canadian Singer/Songwriter Not Named Leonard Cohen

GOLD: Neil Young

SILVER: William Shatner

BRONZE: Neko Case

Best Canadian Export Not Named Will Arnett

GOLD: Neil Young

SILVER: William Shatner

BRONZE: The Arcade Fire